the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
