My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
