I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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