I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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