I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
