You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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