I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
