Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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