in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
