Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Your cock deserves a montage
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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