How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
