2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
