He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
