How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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