i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
