he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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