I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
