We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize