Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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