47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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