I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
