it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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