Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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