i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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