why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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