this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
