at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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