We're facebook friends in real life
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Ketchup is God's man juice
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
