ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
my shit smells like andre
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
