i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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