I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Fuck appropriateness.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize