So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
