he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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