In the future we'll all be gay
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
