she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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