listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize