I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
