I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
