just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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