Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
