Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
