I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
