i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
