Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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