So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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