fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
