if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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