I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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