I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
