Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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