Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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