its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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