I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
