There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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