I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
