she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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