I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize