Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
