This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
