I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
