dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
