This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
