I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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