He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
