how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
