Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
