i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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