dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
