It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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