Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize