We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
